


Leave Me My Name

by nanjcsy



Series: The Unforgiven [21]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Brainwashing, Defiance, Implied/Referenced Torture, Inner Dialogue, Lost Identity, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rage, descent to madness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 15:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2114964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanjcsy/pseuds/nanjcsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the inner dialogue of Theon Greyjoy after his capture by Ramsay Bolton.<br/>i wanted to let theon be pissed!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave Me My Name

The rage built up, it swelled, peaking over then crashing down, scalding, drowning him.  Storms clashed over him, sweeping through every piece of him, shivering in cold and yet fury hot.  Yes, it hurts, burns like saltwater in so many wounds and there is fear but anger is what he needs right now.  So he screams and roars his righteous fury, his arrogance, the mocking grin firmly in place.  Every defiance, any inch that could be kept back was, he fought, kicked, bit, spit and laughed, even through the bloodiest of it.  Ramsay fucking Snow, SNOW SNOW SNOW, take all the teeth you want, your last name is still SNOW!  I am a Prince, a Lord, Ironborn, Kraken and you are a BASTARD, oh, how you hate HATE HATE that word!  Like I HATE HATE YOU, HATE YOU BASTARD! SNOW!

Peeling fingernails, fists and boots are not enough, I can never bleed enough for the bastard that way...those things won't make me weep like a babe.  It is not enough to make me piss myself in terror, not enough for me to drool and babble like an idiot.  Ramsay Snow is at his most cheerful when I am at my worst, it is really him at his best and my mind is starting to scramble, to drown.  I am talking to myself so much now, who else is there to speak with?  There are the rats that try and eat me, my jailors are a mute and an ill tempered sot that is overly fond of his whip.  No real conversations there, and Ramsay?  That sneaking, trickster, fucking BASTARD, that SNOW piece of shit, words are weapons for him.  Talking to Ramsay always ends in pain, recently it ends in pieces.  In fact, he is losing fingers and toes to this bastard, so forget the games.  He will simply refuse to play them anymore.

Remember Ros with her fire red hair and her mouth, oh God, she was so skilled!  Dreadfort whores are Ramsay's creatures and like everyone else here, they play games.  We are not thinking of this anymore.  We ARE NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT....I can stop crying, I am not a child, but what that BASTARD, WHORESON, BASTARD, SNOW SNOW SNOW did to him!  What will his father say, what would anyone say?  Robb Stark, King Robb would never have allowed, never have sanctioned this, even the torture, of course not.  Any day now, Robb will take his head and punish Ramsay fucking Snow for what he has done.  A traitor, a turn cloak and murderer?  Fine, he will gladly take it, yell it from towers if need be.  So take his head and leave a rotted corpse with the bloody filthy label, fine.  Not this, not this, does Robb even know at all?  Does his family know?  Even if Theon's father or sister did think of coming for him before, even if they had thought to negotiate before...now?  After what is underneath these bloody bandages?  We won't think of that, we are not, not not not NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT!!!!  I will stop crying now, no more tears.  I am not scared to die.  I am scared he won't let me die. 

Lord Theon Greyjoy.  Prince Theon Greyjoy.  Theon Greyjoy.  Son of Balon Greyjoy, younger brother of Asha Greyjoy.  Ironborn.  He was born on Pyke.  He was fostered at Winterfell by the Starks.  His name is Theon Greyjoy.  He is a Ironborn.  I know who I am, BASTARD SNOW, I will never forget who I am.  Saying this name, saying Reek does not make it so, I know who I AM!  Here in the dark is how he gets you though, oh, so sneaky a trick!  Always so full of games, tricks, puzzles and mazes for him to get lost in and lose...losing so many things now..pieces inside and out.  I am Theon Greyjoy, Lord, Prince, son and brother.  But the sneaky bastard snow boy gets it inside his head, that horrid Reek word.  The dark can be endless, chill stale air, rats to eat, all he can eat, how generous, and by the time anyone ever comes, the light makes him squeal like a rat.  Like the rats, he scurries into corners, trying to get away from the large predators but they never let him hide with them.  Even the rats abandon him...like Robb, like his father, like his sister.  The only constant is Ramsay...bastard.  snow.  but i will say it so softly to myself when he cannot hear me...maybe just in my mind in case he hears me....in case the rats tell him....

I still laugh, he cannot take that from me..sometimes I laugh but it sounds like a scream so I do not get punished for it.  How fucking generous of that sneaking bastard snow...sshhh...was that HIM????  Are those HIS steps coming closer?   I never smile, grin, ever never, so few teeth left and they hurt so much...even if Ramsay had not gotten brutal with his punishments for eating the rats..Theon....Reek..fuckingReek THERE! RAMSAY! I SAID IT REEK REEK REEK, LEAVE ME BE, LEAVE ME MY THOUGHTS AT LEAST!  I cannot bite down anymore anyway. I want to starve to death, but Ramsay seems to know just when to give a little food, a little water, just enough, the bast...shh...was that HIM?   It is hard to remember anything here in the cold, in the dark with so much pain, oh it never relents and HE NEVER RELENTS.  There is no amount of begging, pleading, bargaining that works.  He wants me to grovel, flinch and beg like a dog...He wants me to cry and scream like a little child..FUCK HIM!  SNOW BASTARD FUCK YOU FUCK YOU I WILL ESCAPE I WILL FIGHT I WILL BE SAVED SO DO YOUR WORST I DON'T CARE AND MY NAME IS NAME IS...

Please?  Don't hurt me.  Please?  I give you everything, everything and I have nothing left.  All my tears, pain, screams, blood.  All the begging is for you, all the agony is yours, I am yours and I hate everything about you.  I wish you could die, I wish I could kill you and we should rot together. Rot together before children are someday told the horror tale by their nannies of the Monster and Freak that haunted the North.  Because Ramsay is the bloody monster, tearing through the North, bleeding out whores and children alike.  He and his father rule now, but the bloody freak just crawls, staggers sometimes on two legs, after the monster, following, obeying.  Please?  Do not hurt me today.  I have obeyed, I have learned and I submit.  Please?  I wish I could remember who I was, why Ramsay hated the before me so much..would it matter though?  No, it would not matter, because only Ramsay, Lord Ramsay Bolton matters.  Master, milord needs his Reek.  So leave that other name in the dark with the scurrying rats. 


End file.
